Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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