Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
