That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
