TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
