we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
