Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize