I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
