Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize