I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
