You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
