nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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