My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
