Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
