I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
