just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
