soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
