My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize