My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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