Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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