Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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