I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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