the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
