No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
