Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my vagina is haunted
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
