Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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