So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize