you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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