A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
