was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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