does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
