I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Randomize
