Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
