awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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