I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Me too!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
organizing the empties. That sober.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize