Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
