I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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