Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
