great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm always down for nudity.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
