Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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