is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
