So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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