mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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