Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize