I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
