i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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