i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
