Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
