Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
