does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize