What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
