I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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