i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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