He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
sex in a hospital.. check
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
