you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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