My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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