It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
