if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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