my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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