Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
