Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
