guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize