it wasn't lemon gatorade
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
