Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
