At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
