Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
