I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
