I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
