i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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