I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
