Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
