is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
