I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
