So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
