umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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