life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
two words...techno handjob
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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