you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
