I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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