We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
