I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize