recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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