Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
