U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
