it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
