True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
