Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
