i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
