ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm like, not good at living.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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