I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
