So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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