Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
