There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
