all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
